


liberosis

by loupettes



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loupettes/pseuds/loupettes
Summary: “But see, the thing is; that dinner lady, she taught me that just ‘cos those feelings are painful and hurt you doesn’t mean that they’re not good. That you shouldn’t be feeling them or like it's wrong to. The bad emotions are just as important as the good ones, they gotta be, because if you can feel them so strongly, they mean something important."Ten x Rose (minus Rose). Ten tries his best to help navigate one of his students through the troublesome waters of emotions and feelings. Set duringSchool Reunion.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	liberosis

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue prompt: "Is that why you were so nervous?"

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

The Doctor finished putting the last bits and pieces in his briefcase and looked up at one of his students. Melissa, he thinks her name was. And by the way she was awkwardly messing with her jumper and chewing on her bottom lip, this was probably going to be a Serious Talk. Like the kinds of Serious Talks Rose would occasionally instigate that made him dreadfully aware of his lifespan. And last night’s Serious Talk, which was by all accounts dismal, entered a new stratosphere of sensitivity to the fact. She’d even gone to stay at her mum’s last night, barely acknowledging an excuse and left him alone in the TARDIS wondering what he could possibly do next to hurt her just that little bit more. _Please_ , anything _not even remotely_ dramatic. Just a nice physics problem. Electromagnetic induction and the expanding of the universe. Oh. Good name for an autobiography. “Sure, what’s up.”

“Well, this is awkward, but did you see that boy sitting in front of me today? Ben? Well, thing is, I… I kinda fancy him. Well, I really like him. But he never even notices me, like he never talks to me.”

Oh, _Christ_ what is this? This _had_ to be Mickey. Through and through. Had Mickey Smith written all over it, trying to get him back for breaking Rose’s heart. “Right… is this a physics-related question? I’m happy to talk to you about class, Melissa, but anything else after that I can’t discuss, I’m afraid.”

“It _is_ class-related. Sort of. I dunno, I was wondering if, maybe, I mean would it be alright if perhaps you could maybe pair us up next class for that project?”

This was his repentance for what he did last night. He knew it. He was awfully suspicious of the uneventful evening that followed. Now he knows why. “I don’t think that would be wise, considering you _did_ just tell me you fancy him. Should probably be focusing on the work, not the boy. Anyway, I _really_ can’t help you much more, sorry. So if you don’t mind, I think we should say we’ll see each other in class tomorrow and enjoy our evenings.”

Her cheeks stained red and her eyes widened. “I’m really sorry, Sir.”

“That’s alright, Melissa.”

“See you tomorrow then, Sir. Have a nice night.”

“You too.”

She clumsily shuffled to the door and hesitated at the handle. She turned around to face him but kept her eyes firmly on her shoes. “But _please_ , Sir, can I ask you to not put me with Lucy and those group of girls? They just tease me a lot and I just really don’t want to work with them.”

He sighed. Here he was, lord of time, currently in this school trying to take down the Krillitanes and apparently had now filled the role of an Agony Aunt. He began to protest, but the poor girl looked so hopeful.

“Please, sir? You seem nice, not like the other teachers. I really hate some classes, especially when it’s those girls and it’s even worse in physics because Ben’s in it too. It’s really getting me down.”

“Tell you what, why don’t you have a chat with that friendly dinner lady with the blonde hair, she’s my mate. She’s great at advice and girl talk, honest.” _Just, don’t talk to her about boys. I have I feeling she might be about ready to abolish the lot of them if she sees, thinks or speaks of one today._

“I’m not that good at girl talk. I don’t even feel like I’m that good at being a girl. All the other girls in school are all pretty and wear make-up and stuff. I just… dunno.”

He was cornered; it was the end of the school day so there were no more classes to follow and Rose was busy serving after school meals which meant he was completely and utterly free. Completely and utterly free to have a talk with a young girl struggling to fit in. Or maybe coming to terms with her gender identity. And having a hard time with boys. _Very_ high up on his list of things he generally doesn’t leap at the chance to sing about. But for some reason, this girl felt like she could talk to him. _Christ_ only knows why, he was utterly inverse to the ideal candidate when it came to boy-talk and fitting in with your teenage peers. But god help him if he didn’t see someone asking for help and not want to help them.

“Alright, c’mon then. Let’s sit down,” he sighed deeply, pulling a chair up to his desk and carefully considering how _not_ to completely mess up this girl’s life as well. He strongly also contemplated asking Rose’s forgiveness if only to have her feed him the right answers through an earpiece. “Let’s start with this Ben fella’. Why haven’t you been able to talk to him? What’s stopping you?”

“Dunno. Every time I try, I just _sweat_. Like, an _insane_ amount. Like, not a normal amount, and my knees start shaking and it’s like I can’t swallow air. Is that normal? That’s not normal, is it?”

“Oh, it’s perfectly normal. Just your nervous system releasing a few hormones that affect your sweat glands. I think. I don’t know, you’ll have to ask Miss Miller for the biology stuff.”

“But do you get that, sir?”

He sniffed. “Gets better as you get older, I promise. And you can stop calling me ‘Sir’ now, Melissa.”

“Ok, sure. Thanks. But, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to control it. Like I feel like if I could just say _one_ word to him, I might be a bit more confident in the future. Like the worst part’s over and I can just speak to him like normal.”

“Doesn’t always work like that, I’m afraid. Doesn’t just get easier with practice. Sometimes the words come a little easier and sometimes they’re a lot harder to say.”

“But _everything’s_ hard for me to say. Even now in classes, yeah? Like if I’m asked to speak up then I feel the sweating then too, 'cos I don’t wanna get the answer wrong. But it's so much worse because I know _his_ eyes are on me and _he’s_ listening to me and it’s so horrible.”

“Is that why you froze and pretended you didn’t know the answer when I called on you today?”

She nodded her head sheepishly.

“Well, listen. Everything you have to say is right. Any opinion or any answer to a question you have in class, I want to hear it. You just need to find that confidence in yourself to realise that other people want to hear you too, because we do. And anyone who _doesn’t_ isn’t worth your worries. When you get that confidence, that trust in yourself, _that’s_ what’ll make it easier.”

“Do you find it easy, Mr Smith?”

“The confidence thing? Mostly, yes. Ok quite often. Well, all the time for me really. But I’m _rubbish_ at feelings. I’m a bit like you, don’t have much confidence talking about them. Even just yesterday, I had to have a really awkward conversation with my friend about feelings, so you’re definitely not alone.”

“What happened?”

 _Oh God, make it stop. That mouth of yours just producing words for the fun of it, make that stop._ “Nevermind. ’s not important.”

“Is that why you were so nervous this morning?”

“I was?”

“Dunno,” she shrugged, looking down. “You just seemed a bit more, I dunno. Like, Jittery. Not like yesterday, you were in a good mood yesterday. Today it’s like you were a bit nervous.”

“Oh.” He supposed he _had_ felt like something was niggling at the back of his mind, come to think of it. Almost as though he had something diluting his enthusiasm. “I suppose maybe it was.”

She was looking at him cautiously, waiting. He couldn’t help but want to help her, give this poor lost teenage soul a little bit of hope. Either that or he was desperate to talk about what happened last night with someone who Rose hadn’t yet claimed the heart of, which was admittedly a small number of people. It was probably for the latter reason, but he’ll take that secret with him to the grave.

“Oh alright, just us two pals though, yeah?”

She grinned enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

“Promise you won’t go telling on me, alright?”

“Swear.”

He cleared his throat. _In the name of education,_ that’s right. That’s what this is. “She’s, er. Well, she’s my friend. Well, she’s… no, she’s my friend. Well, ok, she’s more than that. At least to me. And I think _she_ thinks I’m a bit more than just a friend to her too. She told me last night. We’ve never really talked about it, to be honest. I was lying earlier when I said it gets better as you get older. Sure, you might get more confident, or at least you learn to act more confidently, but it’s still always hard to have those talks.”

“Why was it so hard, though? If she likes you and you like her then why aren’t you happy about it?”

“It’s not always that simple. You’d like to think so, and I’m probably extinguishing any hope of a bright future now- “

“-no it’s good! I _want_ someone to be honest with me and not lie about it “getting easier” when you become an adult.”

And she’s asking _him_? Of all people? Good lord, this poor girl. “Oh I don’t know, Melissa, I’m rubbish at being an adult too.” She smiled back at him, easing now she felt a little more his equal. “Can I ask for your advice?”

“Mine? What makes you think I’d be any good at advice?”

“I think you’re probably just about as qualified as I am when it comes to advice.”

“Fair. Then sure.”

He shook his head and leaned forward. “I think I _really_ messed it up, if I’m being honest. Made a complete fool of myself. She tells me she thinks we're something more than friends and instead of telling her I feel the same way I told her to give up all hope of us ever being together and that she’s eventually going to wither and die so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Yeah, you really _did_ mess up, Sir.”

“I thought you were supposed to be helping me?” he huffed.

“Sorry. But, why would you say that?”

He shook his head, exasperated. “Oh, I don’t know. ‘Cos I’m an idiot.”

“Mmm, I can see that.”

He rolled his eyes and pointed his finger at her. She giggled sheepishly. “Sorry. But I mean, why don’t you just tell her you’re sorry?”

“Oh, ‘cos I’m rubbish at apologies, too.”

“But, if you love her, then- “

“Who said I loved her?”

“You did.”

“I did? When?”

“It’s obvious!”

“Pffft! No, it isn’t!”

“Yeah, it is!”

He scoffed, folding his arms in indignation and leaning back in his chair. The girl doesn’t know anything. Doesn’t know what she’s on about.

“Do you think _she_ knows that?”

She clapped. “Ah-ha! So you _do_ love her! Everyone in class has been talking about it! Some of us thought _she_ might have fancied _you_ , but most of us thought it was you who fancied her.”

“Oh, come on, my lessons aren’t _that_ boring that you find gossiping about the new physics teacher and the dinner lady more entertaining.” He wanted it to sound a _little_ less like a hopeful plea that it came out. “Hang on a minute, I haven’t told you who my friend is? Who are _you lot_ talking about?”

“The blonde dinner lady! It’s her, isn’t it?”

“Bugger -” he slapped his hand to his mouth, “ - sorry! Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“It’s alright, Mr Smith,” she chuckled. “Won’t tell anymore.”

“How did you all know?”

“It’s obvious! We all see you at the lunch table, proper flirting with each other. You’re like the human version of that looney tunes rabbit with the hearts for eyes.”

 _Less of the human, maybe, otherwise fairly accurate._ “I’m not _that_ bad.”

Her mouth dropped in protest and she laughed. “ _Please_! Part of the reason I came to you was 'cos I think I might feel about Ben the same way you feel about that dinner lady.”

“Is that so? And how’s that, then?”

“Like you really fancy her, but you don’t want to tell her. Or, don’t know _how_ to tell her. I think you look like you’re a bit too nervous to.”

He didn’t particularly like the idea of being the one getting schooled in his own classroom this afternoon. But she looked shocked and embarrassed, like she’d overstepped a line that and he felt bad for her. “Oh my god I’m sorry, Sir, that wasn’t cool.” She leant down to pick up her bag, but he stopped her. He wasn’t about to wreck another person’s confidence.

“Listen, if I tell you, can you keep it a secret?”

“Yeah!”

“None of the others in this class are allowed to find out, ok?”

“Yep. Promise!”

“I’m _so_ in love with her.”

He didn’t think he could have said it fast enough. But the way his entire body exhaled as they released the words was a solace unlike anything he’d felt since the war. Melissa was taken aback, listening earnestly and he wondered how they did it, those humans. They knew so much about their environments and empathy for others, even the ones who didn’t think they were very good at it.

“And she has no idea, you’re right. I’m honestly the _last_ person you should be asking advice for boys and romance and stuff because my advice to you would be run away- _not_ during school hours of course!” He added, hastily. “Stay in school, very important. But I’d tell you to shut off those feelings right away, ‘cos don’t they just _hurt_? S’like you say, you feel like you can’t even breathe ‘cos you’re so nervous when you’re around them. And _I’ve_ even got _two_ hearts, so you’d think it’d be easier for me!”

“What?”

“Nevermind. But see, the thing is; that dinner lady, she taught me that just ‘cos those feelings are painful and hurt you doesn’t mean that they’re not good. That you shouldn’t be feeling them or like it's wrong to. The bad emotions are just as important as the good ones, _they have to be_ , because if you can feel them so strongly, they mean _something_ important. So yeah, it’s bloody - sorry - _really_ awful to be in love with somebody and know they don’t feel the same way. But isn’t it nice to love that person anyway? And at the end of it all, that’s enough, really, isn’t it? At least, that’s what I have to believe.”

She was looking at him sadly. “Why don’t you tell her that? If Ben said something like that to me-”

He waved his hand dismissively in front of them. “Na, see that’s ‘cos you fancy him. You _want_ him to say something like that to you. My friend doesn’t want me to say that sorta stuff to her, I’m a bit too old. A bit too miserable. She’d find it creepy.”

“But isn’t it better that she knows how you feel? How _much_ you feel? Like last night you said you told her basically that you couldn’t be with her, right? And that… well that was probably pretty crap to hear. But I bet you she’d still like to know that you love her, like how you said you love her just now.”

“How old are you?”

“16, why?”

“Seems rather unfair that you be so wise at 16, Melissa.”

She scoffed. “I’m not, sir! Just told you how scared I am to talk to Ben! Not wise at all!”

“Well, you certainly seem to know what you’re talking about.” He settled back into his chair and pondered for a moment. “I suppose you might be right. Sometimes it _is_ a little scary, isn’t it? Telling somebody how you really feel.”

“I really think you should tell her. Honestly.”

He smiled at her, sitting forward. “Tell you what. I’ll talk to my friend if you talk to Ben. Don’t need to tell him you’re in love with him or write him a song or make a mixtape or- what is it you kids do nowadays? Text? E-mail? Are _Blackberries_ around yet? Anyway. Don’t need to tell him anything like that. But just at least say hello to him, ask him if he can help you with one of the questions in the textbook. Have a conversation with him.”

“Dunno, don’t know whether I’d be able to just talk to him out of the blue like that.”

“Oh, _sure_ you can!”

She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly until she began to smile. “You know what, yeah! You might be right!” She laughed. “Actually, do you think you could help me with it?”

“I’ll certainly try my best, Melissa!”

“Great! Could you pair me up with him for that project?”


End file.
